we had our last seminar yesterday. john put up a collection of marchutz’s work around our studio. and had slides pertaining to his life. it was lovely. unfortunately, lauren and i had to leave half-way through the presentation, forced to meet with our land-lady back in town. we were already upset to be leaving our studio for the final time (for now). we stood at the door trying not to cry.
“should we tell alan?”
“okay. but i’m about to cry.”
we walked back to his office and sauntered in.
“alan…we have to leave” (unleash of simultaneous tears)
(he stared back at us, looking at us helplessly. they have to leave… the seminar? the studio? france? did they just find out that they have to leave europe?)
once he understood, he stood up and walked over to us. smiled, and put his arms around both lauren and i.
alan: “oh my beauties.”
us: (crying)
alan: “you have been plunged into the sea, and now you must learn to back stroke”
then john walked into the office. he came up behind me and put his skinny arm on my shoulder.
alan: “john they have to leave” (again. we were being quite ambiguous that morning)
john: (very fake cheerful) “i know. i know. but we don’t have to say goodbye now. we will see you tomorrow. we will get coffee tomorrow. we can cry a lot tomorrow)
we all were standing at the door of the office. lauren alan john and i. surrendered.
i love them dearly dearly.
it was a rainy walk home.
me: “do you think alan and john have acknowledged that every time they talked to us this week we about cry? we are time bombs. i bet they say, ‘avoid talking to jena and lauren. they are time bombs.’ “
then i read her the goodbye message jean-francois sent me. which was sweet, but then ended with a treat that allowed us to laugh our way home.
“God bless america-and the beautiful jena”
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today is my last day living in france. our apartment is disgustingly packed. our shower unusually clean. tomorrow morning i will courageously train to paris. find my plane. and return. all by myself.
country road. take me home. to the place. i belong.
love from the finale. from the beloved aix-en-provence. from the still security of my foreign family.
-
- one of my favorite marchutz pieces.
blessed. blessed. blessed.